This is a rewritten scene from my NaNovel, rewritten on purpose to include David, who wasn't around enough in draft 1 (currently halfway through draft 2 at the moment). Does it work? What do I need to change? PLEASE tell me. =)

"It's strange," she told Ben and David one day in early almost-spring as they sat on a picnic blanket spread out on the grass of a nearby park. Mr. and Mrs. Jansen had taken the younger kids over to the swingset, and Katie, Ben and David were the only ones still on the blanket. "It's a completely ridiculous story by any standard I've ever heard. But . . . it just feels right."

"'Course it does," said Ben lazily. He was stretched out on his back, watching wispy clouds chase each other across the pale, tentatively blue sky. "It's the truth." Katie could tell that, even speaking candidly, Ben felt strongly about what he believed. It sort of made her feel good.

"So what are you going to do about it?" David challenged, pulling the petals off of a tiny wildflower to inspect the inside. David was always doing that - his and Ben's bedroom was constantly littered with petals and dissected flower stems of varying shapes and sizes.

"I want to get baptized," Katie said abruptly, tracing the pattern of the old quilt they were sitting on with her fingers.

"That's great!" Ben sat up quickly, delight brightening his face and making smile-lines around his eyes. "It's wonderful," he continued enthusiastically. "I've been praying all year."

It made Katie feel a little odd to hear that (didn't she have anything to do with this, after all?) but she ignored the feeling. "I really do. I think it's true."

"What will your parents say?" David asked quietly. "This isn't really the kind of thing you can just do all on your own, you know."

"I haven't cared before now what they say about what I do."

"You should ask," said David insistently.

"Why? It's not like I haven't defied them before. You know that. I'm a big girl now - I can make my own decisions."

Ben looked doubtful. "Yeah, Katie, but this is . . . I dunno, this is big. Life-changing. You're still their daughter, and still at home…"

"For at least another year," Katie finished resignedly after a moment. "I guess I see where you're coming from."

"But it wouldn't hurt to ask," said Ben. He didn't sound too hopeful.

"You're right," said Katie. She sounded just as glum.

"Here's hoping," said David, although he didn't sound any more hopeful than Ben or Katie did.